Commenting Policy

3 comments

• Comment Link Sunday, 18 March 2012 01:42 posted by Trevor Malkinson

  "Rick Santorum, that dirty pigfucker, he'd send us all back to the Stone Age if he had his way. What happened to the American Dream, how far have we gone, that this man, this cretin, is running for the president of this country. What's gone wrong here, what's gotten in the water? This man, afraid of sex, afraid of the very penis that God gave him. Oh yes, he'd lock up our women if he had his way, lock em indoors just like his Taliban cousins. Are the last pillars of civilization now crumbling around us? Have we gone collectively mad, accepting this vile charlatan and his prehistoric ways as a potential leader of our once great country? How do we get out of this mess, this rot, this decay that has seeped in beyond all expectations. What door is left open to us?".
  
  Alright, that's my stab at what Hunter S. might say were he writing about this Republican primary. :) Of course, it has to be heard in Hunter's classic voice for the full effect. But it's actually pretty fun to try and write in his style, it's got such a great and unique flow/pacing. So you asked, and there you go. :)
  
  There was something about Hunter's unorthodox Gonzo style that allowed him to penetrate into topics with great insight. We could use more like him for sure. Matt Taibbi has done well in that lineage. But it's worth noting that the right-wing have often attacked Taibbi for his wild metaphors and such (like this famous line- "The world's most powerful investment bank is a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money"), saying it isn't journalism and the like. There's a power in that kind of language, which the right understands, hence the attacks.
  
  Anyways, I'd love to hear from other Hunter fans out there!
  
  (ps- here's a clip for those unfamiliar with Hunter's voice. Johnny Depp did a great job of capturing it in Fear and Loathing too. http://bit.ly/wn4HiD )
• Comment Link Sunday, 18 March 2012 04:07 posted by David MacLeod

  Too bad Hunter S. Thompson isn't available as a dialect on the dialectizer. But we can read your Hunter text in the Elmer Fudd dialect.
  
  "Wick Santowum, that diwty pigfuckew, he'd send us aww back to the Stone Age if he had his way. What happened to the Amewican Dweam, how faw have we gone, that this man, this cwetin, is wunning fow the pwesident of this countwy. What's gone wwong hewe, what's gotten in the watew? Dis man, afwaid of sex, afwaid of the vewy penis that God gave him. Oh yes, he'd wock up ouw women if he had his way, wock em indoows just wike his Tawiban cousins. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Awe the wast piwwaws of civiwization now cwumbwing awound us? Have we gone cowwectivewy mad, accepting this viwe chawwatan and his pwehistowic ways as a potentiaw weadew of ouw once gweat countwy? How do we get out of this mess, this wot, this decay that has seeped in beyond aww expectations. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! What doow is weft open to us?"
  http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectt.cgi
• Comment Link Sunday, 18 March 2012 04:52 posted by Scott Payne

  "God in heaven, man! They've finally fucking done it. I've worried about this sort of Frankensteinian madness for years. But some part of me wanted to believe that these pig-tailed man-whores would get off their knees long enough to find one last heart beat's worth of integrity so as to avoid the inevitable.
  
  But there it is, there's no denying it. They've finally worked up the balls to run a robot for President. Sweet Jesus, help us your inbred, petulant children. The machines have finally come for us, hell bent on squeezing the last morsel of humanity from our gasping, putrid maw. We expected the Antichrist to be some sort of goat-fucking demon beyond comprehension. But a fucking Mormon robot? The steel irony of it is breathtaking.
  
  I won't go without a fight, though. Barefoot, hiding in a piss-stained bathtub, they'll have to drag me kicking and screaming to the factory for assimilation.
  
  Going quietly, accepting our fate -- it's not an option. Fuck no, man. It's time to get armed."