WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS INTENDED PRIMARILY AS COMEDY. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PEOPLE OR IDEAS IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. ANY REALITY EXPRESSED BELOW IS PURELY IN THE MIND OF THE READER...
why i hate protestants.
reason number one: they refuse to dance. ever see a protestant dance? even if you have, it was probably pretty awkward. compare that to catholics. now they can dance. In fact, everybody in the world dances except the protestants. except maybe the chinese. but i can’t say for sure.reason number two: germans! need i say more?
reason number three: protestants just aren’t a whole lot of fun. definitely more fun than mormons, but that’s a low bar.
reason number four: can’t buy your way into heaven!! there’s much be said for a little corruption to help grease the wheels when it comes to eternal salvation.
reason number five: they’re very unsexy.
reason number six: the protestant work ethic: it wasn’t until these jackasses came along that yardwork became somehow ‘good for you’.
reason number seven: evangelicals. what’s the deal with those guys?!
reason number eight: nazis...dammit! there i go on about the germans again.
reason number nine: can’t buy booze on sundays?! are you kidding me?!